Vulnerability

There was a time I thought that keeping a stiff upper lip and just getting through a day —while holding all of my feelings inside was being strong. In those times, little did I realize that I was building a JANGA tower and at any moment it was about to crash. You see, I was always “up” at work and at home, when I spoke up, my thoughts were often dismissed or met with frustration. I took it all so personally. I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders day after day. This is an impossible situation to continue.

The day it all came crashing down, I had lost my condo, had to move into a rental and on top of that I was a single mother of a young teen who was also going through her own changes and challenges. I remember the day vividly. I went to settle the condo sale with my lawyer and my parting cheque was only $84.00. Yes, you read that correctly. The only money I had for an entire month to pay rent, bills, move and buy groceries for the two of us. I literally felt a moment of numbness come over me until I sat down on a park bench outside of the lawyer’s office and balled my eyes out.

In that moment, after several ugly boo hoo’s, I asked for guidance. I walked into my bank with tear stained cheeks to make an appointment with the loans officer there. She was able to help. A single mom herself, that climbed the corporate ladder in a male dominated profession, saw me in my most vulnerable state. She believed in me enough to grant me a loan, which on paper I couldn’t even qualify for. She is literally an earth angel and she gave me hope, some breathing space and an opportunity to start over.

There have been many “starting over” experiences in my life since and I’ve always drawn on this particular past experience because it helps me spring board deep into my next launch in life.

Resilience can be developed if we push back against bitterness. But knowing how, especially when you are struggling to keep yourself afloat, is easier said than done. Below are the things I learned when forced to build resilience quickly, for myself and my daughter at that time in such a vulnerable place.

Seek professional help.

Not tomorrow, but today. Talking out my feelings and hearing myself sort out my thoughts while being guided to energetically handle each thought process in a time of challenge is essential! Don’t delay finding a counselor. Get to work on it today. A place to dump your grief can be helpful, and for some it may make all the difference. Coaches and counselors provide a safe, sacred healing place when you’re up against a world of chaos.

Find something that you can do to help someone else.

My daughter really got me through the toughest days during this transition because she needed me to be there for her to help her with getting to and from activities, helping her with her homework and being present for her daily needs. Having another focus to help someone else is a healing way to bring peace to your heart — as long as it doesn’t become enabling and a big distraction for you not to address your personal issues.

Count your blessings.

Even in the transitions, turmoil and challenges there are always opportunities and blessings to be found. I often ask myself, “why is this happening for me” instead of “why is this happening to me”. It changes the whole emotional code! You are in charge and fully responsible for how you move forward from the events that take place in your life. Before you get up out of bed in the morning remind yourself of two things that you are grateful for. No matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something to be grateful for. When tragedy hit our small family, I was always happy that I had my daughter. She topped every gratitude list I made, even though I was worried about her. Other items on the list included friends who were patient and listened to my rants, parents who had deep confidence in my abilities, a wonderful naturopath who took care of me to manage my cortisol levels and lack of energy, and my extra job as a dance instructor (which provided exercise, creativity and joy). Listing things that we are grateful for, in the midst of a crisis, can bring in some much-needed light.

Breathe

Breathing is an automatic function of the body that is controlled by the respiratory center of the brain. When we feel stressed, our breathing rate and pattern changes as part of the ‘fight-or-flight response’. Fortunately, we also have the power to deliberately change our own breathing. Scientific studies have shown that controlling your breath can help to manage stress and stress-related conditions. Breath control is also used in practices such as yoga, tai chi and some forms of meditation. I often sat for 5 minutes and went from panic to production in these times!

Each of these steps will help you resist the spiral of bitterness and focus on the path forward, which is the essence of resilience. So being vulnerable, open and transparent when you need guidance reassurance, support and love allows the Universe to provide those very things through the earth angels that surround us. Vulnerability and pride cannot coexist.

You are worthy.

Shannon Hall